Hogwats Uncensored Episode 2
by Draco666
Summary: The sequel to Hogwarts Episode 1


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, ASPCA, or Stars Wars

Hogwarts Uncensored Episode 2

Minerva: On today's show we have Trevor the toad who will confront Neville about his treatment has a pet. You-Know-Who reunites with is Deatheater Lucius Malfoy. He also has a secret to tell Harry. Welcome your host Dumbledore.

The crowd claps for Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Thank you, all. I would like you to meet Trevor.

Trevor is sitting on a lily pad in a bucket of water.

Dumbledore: Trevor is here to confront his owner Neville. What is it Trevor?

Trevor: I'm here to tell Neville to stop abusing me. Ripbit!

Dumbledore: What kind of abuse?

Trevor: He doesn't feed me, he doesn't change my lily pad and he won't let me date! Ripbit!

Dumbledore: Come out Neville.

As Neville comes out and sits down, Trevor slaps Neville in the face with his tongue.

Neville: What was that for?

Trevor: For the way you treat me.

Neville: Trevor, you can talk?

Trevor: Of course I can talk dumbass.

Neville: Trevor, I've always been good to you.

Trevor: I've lived better in a pet shop. How come you never let me date?

Neville: Um….welll-

Trevor: Remember the nice frog I met and brought her home. I was about to get me some when Neville came in and threw her out the window.

Neville: It looked like she was choking you.

Trevor: Well she wasn't.

A woman from the audience puts up her hand and Dumbledore walks over to her.

Dumbledore: Yes ma'am?

Woman: Hi, my name is Crystal and I'm from the ASPCA and I have heard enough.

How are all these Muggles getting into Hogwarts.

Neville: What?

Crystal: The way you treat Trevor is just down right wrong.

Neville: But –

Crystal: Boys, take him away.

Soon two cops came and arrested Neville.

Neville: What am I getting arrested for?

Crystal: For endangerment of an animal and for having bad memory. Let's go.

Neville: I'm innocent.

The cops took Neville out of the Great Hall and to the police station.

Dumbledore: Due to recent events let's take a commercial break. Coming up Voldemort reunites with Lucius Malfoy after 15 years.

Nobody clapped they were stunned when Dumbledore mentioned his name.

It's time for another commercial.

Wizard: This is for underage wizards. Are you tired of getting caught doing magic in a muggle area. Well come buy an ID card where you have control of the age you put on it. You'll never get in trouble again. Only 5 galleons. Get yours today.

Dumbledore: Welcome back, meet my guest Voldemort.

The crowd hiss, one girl from Ravenclaw got up and ran out screaming. Another boy from Hufflepuff jumped out the window.

Dumbledore: Why are you here?

Voldemort: Well, I'm here for two reasons. Number 1 to reunite with Lucius, he was my favorite deatheater and Number 2 to tell Harry a secret.

Dumbledore: Tom Lucius is here, come out.

As Lucius came out music played like when people are running through the meadows. Ron and Hermione laughed and Draco ran away crying.

Voldemort: Lucius, How's it going?

Lucuis: I'm fine. Man 15 years, no?

Voldeomort: It seems like yesterday when I was teaching you to ride a bike.

Lucius: Ahem, it was yesterday.

Voldemort: Oh, right. Okay.

Dumbledore: When I bring Harry out do not make his scar help.

Voldemort: I swear.

Voldemort crossed his fingers behind his back.

Dumbledore: Harry came out.

Harry came out and sat next to Lucius.

Harry: Not to be rude or anything but wasn't I on yesterday show. Who ass I have to kick now.

Voldemort looked at Harry and he grabbed his scar.

Dumbledore: Tom, what did I say?

Voldemort: Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Dumbledore: Harry, Tom has something to tell you.

Harry: Oh god no

Voldemort: (Darth Vader Voice) Harry I am your father.

Harry's Voldemort's son, what has the world come to.

Harry: W-What?

Voldemort: You are the heir of my Deatheaters.

Lucius: I thought I was to take over?

Voldemort: Shut up.

Harry gets up and turns on his light saber.

Harry: I refuse to believe that.

Voldemort gets up and turns on his double ended light saber. Lucius got up and ran off stage like a bitch. Voldemort was standing there looking Harry in the eye.

Voldemort: Is this what you want?

Harry: You damn right.

Voldemort: Well then, let's go!

They started fighting like Luke and Darth Vader. They were slicing chairs in half, knocking lights off the ceiling; they collided with their light sabers. Voldemort cut Harry arm ripping his sleeve.

Harry: I just brought these yesterday.

They continued to fight. They were tearing the Great Hall apart. The ceiling was falling. The students were running. It was pure chaos. Hermione and Ron were running. Hermione stopped and looked at the camera.

Hermione: This is the part when…when… I know when Harry defeats Voldemort, McGongall tells us on tomorrow show and then the camera goes static. Ron noticed Hermione was talking to the camera and runs back.

Ron: This is also the part when we get the hell out of here.

He grabs Hermione hand and pulled her out of the Great Hall. Harry defeated Voldemort by cutting off on of his legs. Voldemort laid on the stage bleeding.

Voldemort: We shall meet again, son.

Harry: Do we really? How many times shall we meet? I'm getting a bit bored you know. I know you are.

Voldemort: You're right, let's never meet again, Deal?

Harry: Fuck yeah.

Voldemort snaps his fingers and disappeared from the Great Hall. I thought you couldn't aparate or disparate in Hogwarts. Never mind his Voldemort he could do what he want. The Great Hall continued to crumple.

McGongall: O-on tomorrows show we'll have war of the Qudditch teams and also little Ginny Weasley has something to tell her parents a secret she's being keeping for two years. Tune in tomorrow. That's if we're still here.

As chucks of concrete fall from the ceiling it hits the camera making it go static.

A/N: Next episode is going to be serious and heart warming……….yeah right. (Laughing) Thanks for all the reviews. Keep them coming.


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